If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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