This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
