I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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