Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
They are going to name an STD after you.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
