I think my vagina is haunted
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
