your room smells of hookers.
And success
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
