I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
just tell him i said nine months
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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