dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
