no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
