I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
