You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
