Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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