that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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