Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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