and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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