i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
