I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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