come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
