I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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