You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I don't deserve a penis
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize