The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
True strength comes from lack of pants
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
last night I used snow as a chaser
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
