You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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