i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
