were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
