Christians are straight up FREAKS
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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