i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
