I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
