So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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