brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
its liver damage thursday
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
