honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
