every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
