These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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