No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
