if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
