I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
