and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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