yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
