i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
