I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize