Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize