i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize