I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize