My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
