well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
