I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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