so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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