God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
