i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize