R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
