i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
nutella sex= disaster
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
