Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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