I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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