I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
