it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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