the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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