'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
