I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I need to stop coming to work sober
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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