Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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