so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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