i may or may not be watching the land before time
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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