OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
