If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
