The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
