So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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