No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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