The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
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