I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
